Going from being a healthy gym goer and an active mom to barely being able to keep up with the family is dreadful.
Blinding headaches, dizziness, fibromyalgia, MCS, profuse sweating, chronic fatigue, memory loss, slurred speech, heart complications, neuritis, incontinence and just a really nasty overall feeling. Yeah this stuff will rattle your entire being and leave you feeling like you just fought a war. It is the monster no one talks about yet it affects millions.
Becoming sick after repeated exposure to various environmental toxins left me unable to function. I recall days in the beginning, before my illness got out of control, where I would have to pull over my car every day while driving to work because of my symptoms and fatigue. Concentrating or reading an email hurt my brain as if someone had just bashed me with a baseball bat. Walking to and from my car each day was beyond difficult. In the early months of my illness I would come home and crash in bed for hours, pain all over my body, low-grade fevers, nausea, extreme fatigue and brain fog. I still suffer with these symptoms but thankfully since I left the sick building I was working in, a few of my symptoms have inproved.
Had I known the severity of my ignorance then, I would have run far away from the places making me sick.
My new normal is a mix between:
“I can’t get out of bed today or even hear sounds”
– to –
“I am feeling better and can handle reading a book to my kids before school”
Being sick is hard when you have to work a full-time job and take care of family and other responsibilities. It requires a restructuring of priorities and a de-cluttering of what used to be.
My new normal requires that I work each day in segments. Sometimes after just 2 hours of office work I can’t think straight and I need to lie down. During these moments the fatigue is high, my heart pounds and slows down and I can’t speak or tolerate noise. This is me redefined but I will get there. I haven’t lost hope that one day we will be able to follow through with my medical treatment.
If you are sick regardless of the rhyme or reason, don’t loose hope. If you do, your will have let defeat sink in and conquer. For me prayer and faith have kept me hopeful on days where all I could do was cry.
God I know is out there and he is my everlasting source of hope on tough days. And although I am not 100% well I am thankful for every singe day and for all that I have learned through this wilderness.
Healing does come.
Something I have learned is that usually we have to heal emotionally first so we can be ready to heal physically. Believe it or not, our inner thoughts, feelings and sins like anger, rage, jealousy and bitterness affect the way we heal and also make us sicker.
Part of the battle is overcoming the sickness within our hearts so we can experience healing on all levels.
Sickness naturally brings on a great deal of stress and negativity but the key is not letting it affect us or rule over us.
Most of the time I try my hardest to not give in to this dreadful state of sickness. On many occasions I find myself thinking out-loud and repeating: “This will not defeat me. Although my body wants to be sick right now I am not going to give up.”
Seems crazy but our brains have a lot to do with our overall state of health. Make your brain believe something and sooner or later it can happen. Medically this has been seen with patients who have lost all hope and constantly profess that they are going to die. The reality is that they die much sooner.
With this I don’t mean we should be ignorant to our realities or ignore them, that would be plain silly,
I mean that we should try to keep control over our thoughts and how they can further affect our health. For me this has been priceless. Although some days it is virtually impossible to practice positive thinking I do try to keep negative people and thoughts far away from me.
Until I can afford my complete medical treatment all I can do is continue my healthy diet, avoid sick buildings and hold on to the little bit of hope that I have and hopefully soon we will be able to afford treatment for me to experience moderate or complete healing.
My new normal is not perfect and neither is it desirable but for now all I can do is take things one day at a time.
Wherever you are I hope you are encouraged by this post. Please feel free to share your story of helpful and encouraging comments below.
Me – the mom, warrior and passionate gal from Moms Mold Resources